Ponderings about my grandpa

Tonight as I was driving the usual drive back home, I was thinking it's time to blog and release my thoughts on my dear blog. I lost my grandpa the end of September and life has been sad to feel the weight of his loss. I will miss taking him a package of HEB Taste of San Antonio coffee. I will miss seeing his smile when I brought him the coffee from the 7 hour drive from SA. Buying that coffee helped me get through that stinkin' long road trip. The reason I started the tradition since I was a college student was -, well, my grandpa was a pretty hard working guy. He had a manual labor job, he put in his time w/ the man, retired like people his age did after working for 20+ years, and was a pretty frugile guy - ha - he was was so "tight" with his money that anytime he gave you a dollar he would slide his fingers across the green paper to make sure it was only 1 dollar bill. So when I started the tradition, I knew my grandpa would appreciate the deliciousness of this coffee because my grandpa was 1. a coffee drinker and 2. he deserved it - after all, he earned his retirement. It was my way to say "I love you, grandpa." One thing that has been affirming is that my grandpa said about this coffee transaction was that I was always dependable and I always followed through on my actions. I will always treasure that piece of affirmation. Thanks, grandpa! Another story - as I was making my drive back home to my grandpa's funeral, I got to dig into my much needed introvert time (that weekend was so eventful - another story) and reflected on my time with my grandpa and this memory crept in the forefront of my mind. It was the day of my quinceanera. I remember sitting in my quinceanera dress in a parked van in front of the church before the ceremony - and my grandpa was there ready at the side of the van. He asked me "where is your mom and dad?" My response was "they are still getting ready, grandpa" because I KNEW my parents are the not-punctual type of people. I waited for 5, possibly 10 minutes in that van with my grandpa standing around for my parents. Then, the next thing I saw was hilarious now - but then - as a 15 year was a bit scary - my grandpa started cursing my parents under his breath for being so late. Then he took his hand out and said, "I guess I will escort you out of the van since your mom and dad aren't here". What I take away from that memory - is that he was there. I was fortunate because growing up - my grandpa lived 30 minutes away and I realize the memories I have are priceless. Sometimes, I still will be randomly crying - I'm driving - I'm working at my desk - alone w/ my thoughts - and the crying will flow. I like that my counselor has said that grief takes longer than 3 days the workplace allows you take off from work. Now, I'm in this place - I'm tired of crying. Crying is exhausting. So, I've started journaling what I'm thankful for - to count the blessings to stop from being swallowed by the sadness. Even recently, a friend told, "didn't your grandpa say he didn't want you to be sad?" Yes, he did say that. He wanted a orchestra to be playing (cue "Cruz de Madera" a Spanish Tejano song). I'm choosing - yes, I say choosing because in life, you have choices - to choose to be thankful instead of bitterness. Thanks grandpa for letting my mom and me stay at your house two Thanksgivings ago when my parents didn't have a house to live in. Not sure if I thanked you for that. Thanks grandpa for letting us eat your Little Debbie snacks that were at the top of the kitchen cabinet in their secret hiding place. Btw, we found the hiding place. Thanks grandpa for coming to any big events in my life. Even if you couldn't make it, that's ok because you would tell me that you were proud of me. Thanks grandpa for reminding me of simpler times - I won't ever forget your saying "water is cheaper." Thanks grandpa for reminding me of the value of working hard - "work like a dog" or resting well "sleep like a dog." Thanks grandpa for telling me to enjoy life while I can when I shared 'I was working away like a dog.' Thanks God for creating a good man like my grandpa. I'm thankful that he cared for his family and that I have inherited that same care with family and friends. Thanks God that you created my grandpa to be this man who spoke truth and called them out even if it was hard truth. Thanks, God.