I heart Wednesday nights

I hope to be able to keep this short since i need to be in bed in like 10 minutes or less.

Listening to :



So tonight, our lovely Jacob gave an invitation to many things...to live in community intentionally, to start an urban project, to love this city called San Antonio.
Thoughts: San Antonio is not a pretty city. it's not located in this idealistic California. nice weather and somewhat more liberal than most. this world of composting and recycling is everywhere. We effin' live in Texas. It is not as attractive as Austin...yeah I said it! But, still, I know I am supposed to be here. Lol. Sometimes, I do not want to be here but have been told indirectly(by God and somtimes others) that this is where I need to be.

The desires of my heart: to live in intentional community, to live simply (think I need to work on this--been going crazy shopping for clothes?), and to live in the city.
So I need to start praying...what is God calling me to?

Is it possible to be bold enough to pray for cheap housing within the city?

OMGosh...I have a type. Alleluia

This is just an image I love...and may partly explain this entry. Or not.
It is by Luis Jimenez. It is called Air, Earth, Fire, Water, 1994.
Currently Listening to "All My Loving" from Across the Universe.
I am freaking out b/c I have a type. It's only taken me what 10+ years to figure it out. I always wonder why other girlfriends were like "he's hot" and I just didn't feel the same way. LOL. I thought there was something wrong with me.
I will have to come back and insert my story or epiphany of how I figured this out.
He needs to have long hair. *sigh, and smile*



And, needs to be musically talented. So, I can sing karaoke with him. Duh. Isn't this photo Out of Control. It is so ridiculous.

Text conversation with one of my brothers

I can only preface. nope. can't preface b/c this was so random. OK. people, and you wonder where my randomness comes from. If you don't know, Jayden is my 3 year old family member.

Brother:2:30 am: U pregnant?
Me:5:25 am: No
Me: 8:30 am: What kind of question is that?
Bro: 9:58 am: A yes or no
Bro: 9:59 am: I had a dream n dream book says someone in family gonna have a baby
Me: 10:00 am: LOL not anytime soon the final answer is no
Bro: 10:00 am: Dam dream book
Me: 10:12 am: I had a dream that Jayden drove the big blue truck from my house to his grandma's house
Bro: 10:13 am: Awwwwwwwkward

Being unedited and unfiltered @ 3 am in the morning

Ok.
So I have all these thoughts swarming in my head and I can't go to sleep. Either that or my monthly present greeted me warmly a few hours ago.
First off, I had to get the usual supplies at the local Walgreens. You know, ibuprofen, tampons, pads, blah, blah. I still always hate it when I get cashiered out by men, but this guy was pretty nice. I still get embarrassed even though it is normal. The guy was surprisingly nice, and said a compassionate remark upon seeing my items, "oh, so you're not feeling well". Seeing as how I have been having F* men moments lately(i can get to that in a bit), I was like wow, that was nice of him. Then, he randomly started saying something how if you stand out in the cold weather underwear only, you can lose a whole day's worth of calories (2,ooo+). Um....so random. I was surprised he did not make the situation awkward. Good job, Walgreens Night shift cashier. Thumbs up for you!
Ok. At this moment, I am pretty pissed off at a particular friend. Yeah, in this point in time, he is a friend. Let's call him Dan. Dan will be planning on purposing to his girlfriend even though they have been dating for 2 months. WTF!!!!! No, seriously people. WTF. What saddens me is that his community or at least I thought was his community were never able to enjoy their company as a couple. So, how the hell can his community be excited for him if we never got to see them grow as a couple. I have also noticed this pattern where he seems to call up me or other peeps when he was single, but the minute he has a girlfriend. Boom. We drop off the radar screen. We seem to be his friends when he feels like he needs friends. So a few weeks back when he came to share his exciting news, and then left soon after b/c "he had to go", yeah, I felt he was being selfish. I guess i say that because we originally planed to do some vision casting for our small group. (one component I love about this small group), but Nooo, hold the phone, SOMEBODY who has stopped coming for the past 2 months(and had not hung out with us informally), had to catch us up on his life b/c now he wanted some attention. ha, Yeah, I'm mad.
Then, don't get me started on dating for only 2 months. Pa-lease, child. You are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. Personal opinion. Give yourself one year to figure out if you can be able to live with the person f-o-r the rest of you l-i-f-e. Dude. This is marriage. You will be sharing everything together. Good habits, annoying habits, socks(eww...), and you will have sex with this person, again, f - o - r****t - h - e****r - e - s - t****o - f****y - o - u - r****l - i - f - e. No doubt, of course the sex will be fun. OK. "Rest of your life" is not how most Americans operate these days. If it feels, good. Do it. Take action immediately. That's what our American culture tells us. So forget i just said r.o.y.l. crap b/c you know what, when you start getting a real feel of the relationship, and realize marriage is hard. You won't be able to handle. Why...cuz you only dated for 2 months and never really got a chance to know each other. Idiot, that's why!
And, then I tried to confront how I have been hurt as a friend. At this point in time, he feels uncomfortable meeting with me one on one. I would love to get some guy input on this. He feels uncomfortable now because he will soon be engaged to another woman. !! ?? I'm a little confused. So, wait when you were single, it was totally okay to hang out with me one on one as friends. But, then, wait, you are in relationship now, I can't hang out one on one. Duh! Don't want to hang out with you, fool! I would like to confront and call you out on how you are not being a good friend. Even when I introduced the idea meeting in a coffee shop or public setting, he still had to think about it.
Guys--should I just get it over with via phone. Grr...I hate phone. I think you are a coward or so-called too busy if you want to talk heavy conversations over the phone.
And, what the hell is with people robbing my friends. I had one friend in Oakland who thank YOU, Jesus, was brave, and hid in her bedroom while she called the cops. Two guys broke down their door when the thieves thought nobody was home.
Then, this evening, another friend in TX. Held at gun point. This guy typically gets on my dang nerves, but he is still my brother in Christ. I was soo effin mad. When i heard the news, I was like "Jesus, what the hell? Why is this crap happening to my friends?" I am sick of hearing about things of this nature. Anyhow, pray for these two peeps. Well, one fo sho lives in the hood, (I know...she crazy), but is seriously choosing to sacrifice her life for Jesus. That's love, baby. The other is a shout out for prayer that he at least gets a computer for his school work since he is in grad school.

Things to do Today

--make turkey chili since it's chilly outside. What better way than to make some chili that doesn't make you fill gross. Google Real Simple recipes for quick turkey chili.

--make a Hershey's chocolate cake. Corey makes this awesome chocolate cake but she only makes it in her Texas pan. I think I just love the shape of TX(note to self: start looking for Texas charms/necklace. Since I've been craving this cake, I'm going to attempt to make it myself.

--and sign up for Breakthrough. It's been like ONLY 4 years since I've been to an IV retreat. DudE! I need this. My heart needs this. Lately, I've been just wanting to get out of town for a while. Going home doesn't count because I want a little adventure and want to go somewhere not knowing what to expect but maybe some familiar faces. That sort of always happens around IV oriented events/retreats.

Today was unexpected. Snow day for work. Work. I really like where I work b/c it's stress free although this week didn't feel stress free.
I am learning and being stressed in whatever job I go. Thanks, Jesus, Thanks. (That was sarcasm-1 pt for me).

So--since a few years ago, I HATED...yes H-A-T-E-D having female supervisors.
In my last awful experience, they were micro-managers, didn't assess situations or how details should be handled, were not team players, and quite honestly didn't have the leadership skills set I felt they should have in their management roles.
Sadly, out of frustration, I reached a breaking point, and lost that job. Considering the circumstances I was under at the time, who would NOT reach a melting point except of course Superman. HA, even Superman had TIME to get away and change into a different costume. He wasn't surrounded by somebody every waking moment on the job.
And, since that job, I have had a effin female supervisor since in just about every job since then. Every one. every. one. one.
Some were ok. I was always judging and being cautious with each one. And, then it happened again.
In one of those jobs, I got in trouble. "You don't respect management". LOL. This is the second time in the past 3 years I had been told this. Mind you again, I did not respect this woman. She would publicly humiliate her inferiors by calling out their errors, embarrass me in front of clients with personal confidential information should be asked behind closed doors. O believe me, when she made mistakes, I would let her know. This morning, I felt missing that job. Why, b/c I miss working with crazy-ass ppl. Yes, y'all people. I love working with people. Back to my story.
Disrepecting Management
Yes, in that moment in being called out and thank God she did it in her office behind closed doors. For the first time, I agreed with her b/c in reality I didn't respect her. Again, I'm coming across another woman who doesn't have the leadership skill set a leader should have.
I realized later in a Dave Ramsey class(which btw I believe everyone should take) that I would be a good manager or should be a manager. Inside my head, I'm kicking and screaming to be given this calling. NO!!!!
Now i'm on this track to be some type of management role in education. Not sure what that would look like, but first I would need to get familiar with it. At this point, I'm taking alternative teacher certification classes.
And, now...SAs school districts are experiencing a hiring freeze and million dollar budget cuts. What awesome timing I have. NOT.
I keep hearing in my head. NOW, Jennifer. Now is the time. So I did it. Even though a few of my friends thinks I'm crazy for doing it now amidst this financial crisis, I feel at peace about mostly in a spiritual sense. Isn't that where it counts at least for myself.
Current female supervisors. I technically administratively support 3 managers and my direct supervisor is female. OMG--sometimes, i want to metaphorically pull out my hair b/c of course in every place there is miscommunication that happen, and duh, it will happen. But all in all, they are awesome ppl to work for and work with. They are understanding, seek to understand situations, and are just effin REAL even via email and it makes me smile.
In all those female supervisors I had, I'm glad I was born with this boldness to say to them(if they deserved it) they were amazing supervisors. And, the response I get back from them shocks me. It is very rare they hear encouraging words, but I feel most women need to hear that. Heck, I do. And, there is something genuine in those moments they know they were doing their job.